Hell is where I was headed and as pitiful as it sounds, Hell is what I deserved. This is my story!
In the scriptures I might parallel my life with the Samaritan woman of St. John 4. I too was a prisoner of lust of the flesh, looking to be completed by the comforts of men. Enslaved in Satan's P.O.W. camp, my crimes were many; drunkenness, cheating, lying, stealing, adultery, lust, greed, hate, bitterness and this only names a few.
My sins captivated my soul in despair and hopelessness. I was resigned in my state not ever expecting to resolve myself to God's holiness. All the knowledge I thought I had of God, brought more pain than my soul's already tormented convicted state. I supposed the God I'd known was sitting high up on his throne with a big club waiting for me to mess up, so he could dispense judgement without mercy. Getting into heaven for me was a lot of do's and don'ts. Measuring up to the holiness of God was unattainable by any of my efforts or good works. It just wasn't going to happen. Hell is where I was headed and as pitiful as it sounds Hell is what I deserved. Alcohol was my constant companion, I would love to say it eased my pain but instead it only compounded my burdens. The best testimony I can give is I was drunk every day, my habit was exorbitant. I lived in a long time stooper of embarrassment and shame.
One Saturday afternoon in my mid-morning drunk God sent Jesus with skin on. He was a Godly man; I had known him since I was a teenager. He was my ex-father-in-law. I knew his life; he had a kind and gentle spirit. He made loving Jesus an art form. His face illuminated at the mention of Jesus's name. You would have guessed him to be "Jesus's best friend". He spoke confidently about what Jesus could do for me "today". He declared without restraint, "Jesus loves you and He wants you to spend all eternity with Him". Somehow in that commanding authority I embraced the truth that Jesus did love me for myself. The revelation was born within me. In that instant I gave all my sins, shame, and habits to the cross. Jesus' blood poured over them all. No longer enslaved to habits or any of my sins, I was new. My name was written down in the book of life. The scripture in 1st John 1:9 rang true...it reads; if we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Jesus' blood took away all my sins. The habits that so long enslaved me were gone as I bowed down before God drunk and I came up sober. I didn't even have the smell of alcohol on my breath. My eyes had clarity for the first time in years, colors were brilliant and vibrant and the whole world looked brand new. I experienced a miracle in my life that day. Since then I have experiencd many more.
Jesus is an asesome God! He is still in the miracle working business. He does, and can give you hope with any addicton or whatever sin you have committed that you need forgiveness. If you are looking for someone to love you, I can assure you that Jesus does. He has a plan for you that will complete you. Give him a chance, you won't regret it.
By Wanda Caudill, Muncie Southside Church of the Nazarene