My story?? Well, it’s a long one, but I will make it short! When I was five, my parents divorced. My dad told me that my mom didn't want him to live with us anymore. Truthfully, I kind of feared him down deep anyway. I had seen him be awful to my brothers, and other family members. This truly burnt me with men. Then it developed into a worse, yes I used the word worse because it justifies it more, situation, that needless to say I had to overcome.
I had to find forgiveness in my heart. It took me two decades to finally let go of the past that had haunted me. I showed up one evening at my church and told the Lord I wasn't leaving until we had worked this all out. That was when it all began to happen, after years and years of scripture on healing and the supernatural Vaseline that Jesus offers us, and the freedom that can only be obtained by 100% complete surrender. During camp meeting that year, I wrote his name on a post it note, and stuck it on the bottom of the altar, in hopes that Jesus could now work on him. You see, I had to let him go, so Jesus could do something with him.....and me.
Months before this, the Lord told me that I would never be married or have any the desires of my heart unless I came to the point of forgiveness. Literally, two months later, I met my spouse. Four years after we married and struggled with infertility the Lord literally put my little baby girl Kerrigan in my belly. I asked the Lord to bless me with just one baby, and I would never ever ask for another one. Two years later, my hubby got a church and began to Pastor. After being at our new church for only a few months, we found out the Lord was blessing us with baby #2. Cohen is my second blessing the Lord gave me without asking.
Forgiveness is not giving up a part of yourself to give to the person who has hurt you, it is giving up that person to the Lord so he can do a good work in you and the person gaining forgiveness. Sometimes, we have to ask God to help us want to forgive them, and sometimes we have to lay it down multiple times. but the reward in the end is nothing I can even begin to describe to you....it’s a whole new level of spiritual formation! Praise HIS name for all he does for us!