I would like to share my worst and most beautiful moment of seeking God’s will. I am currently unmarried and have been off and on since 2004. My husband and I parted and reunited, divorced and remarried. All along the way I have prayed for God's guidance. Should I remarry him? Do we need to get back together, Lord? Every time I have gotten the same answer, “Yes forgive him and work on your marriage, I am with you.”
So I'd begin again, give my heart anew, and put all I could into our union. To make a long, long story short, two years ago I found myself at a Saturday night prayer meeting. I arrived early, so I went into the small prayer room. I was on edge about the marriage and this extremely difficult relationship. I needed to get alone with God and pray.
Almost instantly He spoke into my heart. "My child, you have to let him go, he cannot love you and your children the way he needs to." My first inclination was to be angry at God for what I felt, was a waste of the last 10 years. At that point we were together, trying to make it work. So I began to pray through tears of mourning and brokenness, seeking God’s wisdom and clarity.
“Lord, if what You say is true and he will not become that man of God we need him to be, You have to free us of him.” I prayed that prayer unceasingly for what seemed like forever, but it was only two weeks.
Then, one evening, much to my surprise, my husband came to me and said, “I'm moving back to the old home place.” I was so hurt, l cried, but I knew God had worked it out. He had prepared my heart and answered my prayer. Of course, I still grieved for the marriage I had hoped we could have one day, and for my children who had lost their father, yet again. But I knew it was best for all of us and I was in God’s perfect will.
Sometimes when we pray the prayers of supplication, God helps us see His answer, even when our hearts break. So now I pray, “Father I am a wife without a husband. Please fill that void in me. I miss being loved, and feeling loved by a man. Father strengthen me to remain in You even when temptation comes. Father, as I dream of a time when I will have the husband who will honor You, please help me to be patient and wise. Don't bring a man into my life until I am ready … and he is ready. I am Your daughter and I trust You. Father, may Your kingdom come to my life and the lives of my children. May Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” Praise God for His mighty hand of protection and powerful promises.
My sisters in Christ, always pray for yourselves, no matter how trivial or how great the need is. God delights in the truth and the desperation of our prayers, as we depend on Him. Don't sugar coat your words to God. Let’s
keep it real with our Father in heaven. Be angry, be sad, be disappointed, be insulted, but we must be REAL with God if we want His will to unfold in our lives. Thank you for sharing His word with me and for allowing me to share His work in my life. I’m looking forward to seeing you, October 2-3. God Bless and be real.
By Dominque Holde, Fort Wayne Many Nations Church of the Nazarene